The sign came up time after time as I would scroll through my Facebook feed. An advertisement that I couldn’t help but click on and look through – picturing it in our home where I could see it every day. Where I could glean its encouragement. Where I could remember that even on one of those days, I had a purpose. I was part of a divine plan for a divine purpose for a select few divine children. Somewhere along the way, between the lines of having it “in my cart” and actually purchasing it, I would get interrupted by a sticky, dinosaur-growling 5-year-old, a muddy, cuddly, just as energetic 3-year-old, or an “I need food and I need it now” 7-month-old.
When I would find those times when I had 3 minutes to myself, I would see the sign again. Finally, one day I showed it to my ever-encouraging, ever-supportive hubby and he said “Go for it! Get it, I love it!”
I searched. I clicked. I paid. I bought. I celebrated (it’s the small things…).
I was excited!
A week later the sign appeared on our doorstep and I could not WAIT to get it hung up. I got it up on the wall near our entryway/kitchen area (where there was already a screw from the previous owners… (#winning!) and for the first time, I read the sign and felt….
GUILT.
I looked at the sign and read the words for the hundredth time…
“The most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your home”
Deep down, I knew my worth as a stay-at-home mom. I knew our choice of me staying home was important to both of us, I knew this work was my calling but sometimes it’s nice to have those concrete reminders when you feel like all you did that day was yell, all you cleaned was sticky faces, and all you read about what’s going on in the world was the title of a couple of articles on Facebook. And so, I loved this encouragement. But on this day, as I hung it in place, I couldn’t help but think…”Isn’t the most important work making disciples of all nations(Matthew 28)”? Telling others about Jesus? Reaching the lost and the least of these? I felt selfish, and small and guilty – even months later – when I would look at that sign. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely loved it, but there was this constant unsettledness within me that I couldn’t shake.
It was a few nights ago as I was putting our sweet 7-month-old son, Brooks, to bed, that I was thinking about the sign again, and God gave me some comfort, some hope, some reassurance. Some wisdom that could have only come from him. He seemed to say…
Couldn’t it be both?
Couldn’t this time in your life be used to bring up little disciples who love me and honor me? Have you not considered that perhaps the disciples I’m looking for make dinosaur sounds, and live with mud between their toes, and sing Jesus loves me at the top of their lungs?
Perhaps, don’t you think that while you are doing this “most important work…within the walls of your home” you are also honoring my command to “go, and make disciples of all nations?”
I felt a peace wash over me. Yes, maybe there will come a day when I can more easily connect with others, share Jesus, make disciples per say.
But for now I’m thankful, once again, for God’s grace that washes over my “am I doing enough” heart. I’m thankful for his reassurance that perhaps yes, for such a time as this, this most important work is indeed inside the walls of my home.
So whether you are home all day with your littles working your tail off, working your tail off inside AND outside the home, or whether you’re past this stage and STILL working your tail off with your big littles and their littles, we can make disciples during whatever stage we’re in. Whether they’re 4 or 40.
So give yourself grace.
Share and shine Jesus with whomever God has placed in your life. Right now. For such a time as this.
And for goodness sake, go buy the sign. 😉